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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25518085">a halted process, once in motion</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chahakyn/pseuds/chahakyn'>chahakyn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Non-Chronological, Non-Linear Narrative, Spoilers, Spoilers up to Ep. 167</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:41:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>908</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25518085</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chahakyn/pseuds/chahakyn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>50 years as The Archivist is a long time.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a halted process, once in motion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(72)</p><p>The bullet rips through Gertrude’s heart with little mercy. She falls to the floor, fingers slick with blood as she clutches the hole in her chest.</p><p>“Well…there it is.” She pauses, still cataloguing information even in the face of death. “Thought it would hurt more, honestly.” She sees Elias watching her with blank neutrality and gives him a grim smile as she feels herself being pulled under.</p><p>That’s that, then.</p><p> </p><p>(24)</p><p>Gertrude stares down the alleyway she knows the creature that calls itself the Angler Fish frequents, lighting a cigarette and leaning against the lamppost.</p><p><em>Come and get me</em>, she thinks fiercely. <em>I </em>dare<em> you to ask me for a cigarette</em>.</p><p>Nothing emerges, which is disappointing. It’s not the first time her hubris gets the better of her. But it’s the last time it does so without consequence.</p><p> </p><p>(59)</p><p>Gertrude comes face to face with Agnes Montague and all she can feel is a deep, aching longing for something she can’t have. To have someone’s destiny tied so close to your own but be unable to pursue it; it feels almost unbearable in a strange way. She’s not interested in Agnes but meeting her makes Gertrude mourn a life she’ll never have, a life she never wanted.</p><p>The moment passes and then she and Agnes have the only conversation they are willing to have, the only time they are keen to play the roles written for them.</p><p>Gertrude feels the phantom sensation of spiderwebs brushing the backs of her hands as Agnes turns to leave.</p><p> </p><p>(27)</p><p>When her apartment gets set alight with her cat inside, she hunts down the explanation with a cold fury she never expected from herself. Makes a good story, at least.</p><p>It’s the Desolation. Of course.</p><p>She promises to herself that this is the last time she will care.</p><p> </p><p>(60)</p><p>Gertrude sighs as she reads Dekker’s last letter to her. Another person, gone.</p><p>Well. All in a day’s work, she supposes.</p><p> </p><p>(67)</p><p>She doesn’t mourn when she drops Jan’s dismembered body into the Sunken Sky. She doesn’t think twice before pushing Michael Shelley towards the Distortion. She doesn’t flinch when she tosses the match into Emma’s house, setting the house and her assistant inside alight.</p><p>She almost feels a twinge of something when she binds Gerard to the Catalogue. Almost.</p><p>She must be getting old.</p><p> </p><p>(64)</p><p>“You’re really pushing it, you know,” Arthur Nolan says, low and dangerous. The disdain in his voice is clear beneath the veiled threat. Gertrude has to stifle an amused laugh, because he really doesn’t know the half of it. She’s pushed her whole life; there’s no explanation for how else she could even sit here, in front of him.</p><p>“Feel free to push back,” she replies calmly, the quiet, unsettling smile she gives him making him shift uncomfortably in his seat. Good. He <em>should</em> be afraid.</p><p> </p><p>(13)</p><p>Her aunt is not her aunt. Her face is wrong; similar, but not the same as before. Nobody says anything about it. So, Gertrude doesn’t say anything either. But she watches.</p><p>Her aunt (not her aunt, that isn’t Aunt Carol) turns to see her staring during Thanksgiving dinner. She gives Gertrude a knowing smile with just a tad too many teeth, lifting her fingers to her lips.</p><p><em>Our little secret</em>.</p><p>Gertrude avoids family functions whenever she can.</p><p> </p><p>(49)</p><p>It’s been so long since a live statement. Gertrude is so, <em>so</em> tired.</p><p>But she can’t. She <em>won’t</em>.</p><p> </p><p>(25)</p><p>Gertrude looks at the charred, distorted figure of The Grinning Wheel. Dead, obviously. Surprisingly.</p><p>It was…easier than she’d thought it’d be. Which was good; that just makes all of this much, <em>much</em> simpler. She walks calmly out of the abandoned warehouse, a bit of broken mask crushing under her heel.</p><p> </p><p>(41)</p><p>She watches Elias jump from a filing clerk to the Head of the Institute in the wake of James’ death. He’s different now; sharper, smarter, more organized. Ambitious. He watches her very closely, his eyes an icy, familiar blue. She watches right back.</p><p> </p><p>(56)</p><p>“You’re surprisingly terrifying, you know,” Elias hums, lacing his fingers together as he regards her with an almost curious look.</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>Elias makes a face. “You also make my life incredibly difficult.”</p><p>Gertrude smiles. <em>Good</em>.</p><p> </p><p>(63)</p><p>She sits back in her chair as she watches Eric’s page burn to ashes in her wastebasket. His words cycle through her mind.</p><p>“How did <em>you</em> sever that link?”</p><p> </p><p>(58)</p><p>She carefully scratches out the eyes of Jonah Magnus’s portrait hanging in the main room of the Archives. Sarah gives her the strangest look when Gertrude asks her to do the same to any photos she might have, but she complies without inquiring. You learn to stop asking questions you know you won’t like the answer to when you work in the archives long enough.</p><p>The next time she meets Elias, his smile is more akin to a sneer. But he doesn’t bring it up.</p><p> </p><p>(63)</p><p><em>Damn</em>.</p><p> </p><p>(66)</p><p>She wants Sasha as her replacement. She’s sharp, knowledgeable, practical. And she’d know what she’d be getting into better than anyone else. Her short time in Artefact Storage had prepared her far better than any explanation Gertrude could provide.</p><p>The second Elias introduces Jonathan Sims to the team, Gertrude knows Sasha won’t get the position. She gives Elias a stern look. He smiles, pleased.</p><p> </p><p>(72)</p><p>Elias pulls out a gun, cocking it methodically. Gertrude sighs.</p><p>And they’d been doing so well.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>my bf, hearing gertrude’s voice for the first time: she sounds really badass<br/>me, practically vibrating with excitement: you are absolutely correct and I love her</p><p>come find me on <a href="https://shizuoi.tumblr.com/"> tumblr</a> if you want to talk more!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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